Shack on the Lake

Friday: i was apprehensive, anxious, my chest hurt from the tension i felt. Then we chilled and it was cool. Finally we worshiped. I layed down before my Lord and He put my emotions on the table, i sobbed, i mean, i have not cried like this in years and they were some of the best tears i've ever shed. I was so thankful for everyone around me and the love i could feel pooring out. Lou talked and bared her self to us, it was shocking and amazing and i comend and respect her so much for it. We played mafia, i sucked at first, second game i completely killed and won, third game i was narr. and tony and britt won and were amazing. Then i stayed up until 4 talkin to courtney and tony and God, i prayed against tempations and was delivered.
Saturday: Woke up sore, ate, had quiet time and rocked out to Obssesion. Learned how to chill and hear God, Had the most amazing game of sumo in my life and pulled a muscle. played more games and almost found jason, but was distracted by my impending asthma attack. We worshiped in song and it was the most amazing experience in my entire life, i have never felt comunity like that, we screamed and laughed and prayed out loud ( i was the first one to pray and God totally took care of me for that) and danced and i could once again, feel God's love spilling out of my Brothers and Sisters in Christ, four different times i looked at somone and God called out for me to pray for them so i walked to them, embraced them and prayed the words God gave me, God worked through me like i've never seen or felt before, we hear Garret talk, most of us cry, we all learn somthing, and then we go to the fire and talk and encourage and worship and pray and cry and hug. i walk back up to the house at 1 in the morning, we've been worshiping for 6 hours. i almost cry in amazment and gratitude.
Sunday, today: i am baptised i leave my sexual immoralities behind me, i leave my cynical hard heart behind me, i die to myself in that water, and lou pulls me up and i look down and can pratically see my self beneath the waves and i say hello to the new me, to the me that is centered in God and will love Him above all others. I sit before my computer now, a Man of Moments of Faith and am glad in it.
God you are so good and i am so not worthy.
Thank you God,
love.
<3

would You give me strength to stand?

I'm not neccessarily ready to stand for God, i feel like i need to know Him better. But i'm willing to. I daily utter a prayer for Him to give me clarity and strength, and that He will let my brokeness show and show me grace when crumpled at the feet of my Father. I'm always working on dying to myself, on putting the desires of my mind aside to let His desires that He lays on my heart be known. He shows me love and mercy in ways i don't deserve and didn't even know existed. I've given so much to Him, but it barely registers anymore. It just makes sense now, i can't even imagine where i would be otherwise, my soul hurts at the thought of it.
I've found a home, a family, a church that i feel safe in. I have friends that are constantly growing in Christ. I ask you all to pray now for my family and my house, we need God.
Thank you.
Praise God.
Compassion.
Love.
<3

would you find me weak if i cried?

It's enirely to late for me to post about New Orleans, and I don't rightly think i could have done that anyways. It was way to complex and way to emotional. i could never convey what i felt and what i discovered about myself there.
I've been up since 9:30 am, it's not 5:30 am, i just got done with my book report and I thank God for it. i'm gonna get less than two hours of sleep. i think my dad just woke up..crap.

I'll finish this later.

It could have been columbia.
Thats all i can say about this tonight

breakable

I would just like to say, that at 18 years old, i have never felt more child like in the presence of God. He is my Father, in so many ways.

I love my mom because she is deaf

We've been picking on my mom all night and it's been hilarious. She can only hear out of one ear, and we always play around with her about it, but she takes it with grace. She gets really lost when we pick on her a lot, but she just accepts it. Don't get me wrong, my mom is brilliant, but she's just not too swift on jokes and the like. A lot of the time i'll say somthing and then she'll say the exactly same thing like thirty seconds later. In those moments i tell her that she's cute and deaf.
haha.
it's been a stressful, but good day.
so about this book report?

What do we think we're doing, and who is letting us do this?

Best friend number 1: This could never work between any other two people, but nothing else could work between us. I'd have it no other way.
Best friend number 2: you let me take out my stress in the most constructive way possible, mutual ranting of course. our wed. afternoons are crucial to my survival.
Best friend number 3: The fact that you even remotely keep up with the national debt and that you're neurotic enough to find it totally normal makes me smile soo much inside. you've been this neurotic forever and we've given you so much crap, and you'll never change. I love htat about you.
Best friend number 4: you come to see me more than any one else at work, and it seriously makes my night. I realize that i'm not the soul reason you come but the fac that you do when i'm working makes me really happy.

The fact that i could have four of those and still not feel it totally complete makes my realize that my life is soooo blessed. I could not be more content with my life.
Now if only i could stop procrastinating with school. hahaha
God bless,
Love.
<3