What is family?

There are some people that you'll always forgive. a million times. usually these people are family, but every now and then you find someone who isn't.
I have found one of these people in my life. No matter how much it hurts me to care and love for this person. I feel like i'll die from this forgivness, like this grace is hurting me more than anything. Because as much as i know that i'm suppose to forgive and practice grace, i'd love nothing more than to just scream, to cry, and to force them to feel everything they'd ever made me feel.
The love, the pain, the anger, and freedom. If anything so that they would completely understand how much i love them. that i'd rather die from this, have my heart literally broken, than see them alone, or go down the path they are on.
I need prayer now more than i've needed it in a while. so those of you who read this, please pray for me to have strength and grace and courage. Because i have to get through this, i have to beable to DO something, if i don't, or can't, i'm not sure how i'm going to stay sane.

I'll prove you wrong, I'll prove myself wrong

I almost have worship actually in the bag.
I walked/jogged for 30 minutes today, due to lack in time.
I'm hanging out with my bestfriend.
God is making me enough, He's giving me what I need to do what I have to.
I lost faith in Him and His ability to do that,...and then i got stressed out...huh, wonder why?
God is using me, I think. If i'm right about this, i could be saving a friend from a lot of heart ache.
I have to get over myself in some areas, and realize that i can't take people that i love away to a safe place and shelter them forever, even if its from themselves.
I'm think i'm gonna go pray now, or worship,..i need more of both of those things in my life right now.

Challenge

I miss challenge, i miss pushing my self. I don't know my limits these days because it's been so long since i've reached them, my physical limits and my emotional, i need to go hiking again. I freaking hiked 26 miles when i was not quite 16. 3 years later, i can't walk 2 miles, i don't know if i can do more than 20 sit ups or pushups, and i haven't had to prove myself to anyone. Well, now i have to prove myself to myself. I will not get lax just because i'm not being made to do shit. Also, i did get challenged-ish this weekend, reguarding my...commitment to my possition at the shack.
In the most christian way possible to say this, I'm going to meet that challenge.
We have a concentration in community service, we're helping other churches in columbia. I'm excited about this, because i believe that before we can really make an impact as a Christian body in Columbia, we have to be one. We cannot act as the body of Christ when we don't know eachother and don't know how to interact when the other parts of that body.
I'm also going to get some weights, so i think i might start pushing my physical limits too, that along with walking and jogging and eventually running, might get me in some sort of shape.
This is my promise to myself. Because i dont' have many people doubting me, i don't have to show them up, now I have people believeing in me, so i have to live up to what they expect. I'm more than ready for that.