Though the world moves like mad

You alone are faithful.


As i sit here in the wired bean, my veiws on abortion are being formed. Wether this is God, or just my own heart i have no clue. My heart is Gods to have, so maybe it's both. But i'm holding back tears of sorrow and pain and anger. I'm infuriated by everything that this topic contains. How can people not want those children, how can women let some stranger vacum out their uterus, and how can any doctor do that to a child, a woman, a life, a soul? I have never made a offical view on abortion, until now. I never let myself think about it, until now. But my heart is twisting in my chest and my soul is crying for these women.

What started this? an essay, not one i'm writing, but one that i'm reading for class. It's from a nurse at an abortion clinic. She describes the process in grave detail. One part of me is saying " How dare they take away what God has given them, that which He knows before it is born? and another part of me is saying "I have no uterus, i don't know what they're going through, and i never will. i don't know their situations and i never will.

I'm writing this because i don't know how else to process this information. Normally when i do this, i don't post it, but i feel the need to post this, so at the very least, maybe i'll some prayer about my convictions on this, and maybe even someone will have somthing to say to me to help me.

Dancing on Platt Springs

I realized today that driving is like a dance. A very dangerous dance between you and all of the other drivers on the road, moving and weaving in and out of the larger dances.

and then i realized that it's probably the most dangerous dance i'll ever dance.
and that made me a little sad inside.

Homeless rehab?

Is there a more PC way to say this? i mean i pretty much hate PC bull shit, but if this is going to really offend people, than i need a better way to put it.
But in the time being, columbia needs some kind of Homeless rehab center, i'm pretty sure that it'll have to be privately funded, because i don't really know if we could get government help with it of if we (state government) really has the funds. But the homeless in columbia don't need more meals, they have a chance to get 6 meals in one day. They need a place to stay that will encourage them to get a job and to get clean if they are on drugs, sober if they drink too much, and give them and adress for their checks to be sent to. Even to get a freaking drivers licence. I mean, some of these people need psychological help b/c they're war vets.
If anyone who reads this would like to help me in researching this and how to maybe possiblely get one started, contact me here or email me at Cole.Cruser@gmail.com
Thanks!
Love,
Denton

Merci beaucoup, Gracias, Danke, and Thank you.

God, thank You for my family
Thank You for my church (home, family),
Thank You for my work,
Thank You for my friends,
Thank You for my struggles,
Thank You for my school,
Thank You for my brother,
and Thank You for my house.

Will we ever stay up for the sunrise?

So,..... over a week with out seeing you for more than 20 minutes. i don't like this at all. and it really shouldn't be a big deal, i mean, its just like 10 days or what ever, but by the time i do see you it'll have been 14. with one little break at tiyos. and I miss you a lot, and i realize that i can't have you all the time, i know i have to share,.....with like 800 other people. aaaaand i also realize that you can't help a lot of it, neither can I. Yet, it still sucks. I have to go home early from columbia when i'm there b/c of school, and you don't have a car and can't drive, so you can't come see me, and you have a boyfriend, and i have a job. I just really miss you, and you'd think i'd be use to it by now, but i'm not. I don't think i ever will be. If/when you do leave, i will still not get use to it. But i'd rather have it this way. I have a lot of things i need to tell you, but i wont put them out on the blogosphere for everyone to read. I'll right you a sappy note, a thanksgiving one?? it'll be a new experience, haha.

Why i decided to write an entire blog about this...iiiiii don't know. but i did, and i love you, and i miss you, and come home (my home) and drink coffee until 5:30 in the morning b/c we can never stay up for the sunrise.

Worship is a lifestyle.

So, the past three times i've worshiped with other people, it has been amazing. (btw, i worship through music and praying) Saturday at SOL and Thursday at Rio and sunday at Shack, They were all amazing. and all had really cool parts to them. Like sunday, i was just praying for joel, and he looked straight at me. Caught me off guard, now i was standing infront of him and he was leading worship, but i generally don't make eye contact with people i'm praying for while worshiping. but it was really cool. And i prayed for jessica, and david, and jessica and david...(jessicandavid)....you can make them in to one word, haha. anyways, that was cool, i've realized that i love praying, for myself, for other people, for groups i'm part of, for entire cities, nations, and the world. I've prayed for the world, it was intense but i liked it. It just feels so right to me, like it's what i should be doing. of course sometimes it feels forced, but usually that feeling goes away and it just comes to me what to say. It's amazing, and this is sooo weird, b/c i use to have a hard time praying quietly, like inside my head. i use to sit there and be like ..."hey G to the od, what's up? hows it hangin in heaven.....um...um...amen" and that happend rarely.

Now though, i pray all the time, out loud, in my head, infront of no one or all of shack, even over the phone with some people. This is a huge leap in my spiritual depth. i should have guessed that prayer would be a gift of mine...i mean...have you heard how much i talk? but i was always real shy, and maybe it took me finding a familychurch to let me come in to praying fully. i dunno, but God is amazing.

The end.

Love, Laugh, Worship.

Denton

Shack on the Lake

Friday: i was apprehensive, anxious, my chest hurt from the tension i felt. Then we chilled and it was cool. Finally we worshiped. I layed down before my Lord and He put my emotions on the table, i sobbed, i mean, i have not cried like this in years and they were some of the best tears i've ever shed. I was so thankful for everyone around me and the love i could feel pooring out. Lou talked and bared her self to us, it was shocking and amazing and i comend and respect her so much for it. We played mafia, i sucked at first, second game i completely killed and won, third game i was narr. and tony and britt won and were amazing. Then i stayed up until 4 talkin to courtney and tony and God, i prayed against tempations and was delivered.
Saturday: Woke up sore, ate, had quiet time and rocked out to Obssesion. Learned how to chill and hear God, Had the most amazing game of sumo in my life and pulled a muscle. played more games and almost found jason, but was distracted by my impending asthma attack. We worshiped in song and it was the most amazing experience in my entire life, i have never felt comunity like that, we screamed and laughed and prayed out loud ( i was the first one to pray and God totally took care of me for that) and danced and i could once again, feel God's love spilling out of my Brothers and Sisters in Christ, four different times i looked at somone and God called out for me to pray for them so i walked to them, embraced them and prayed the words God gave me, God worked through me like i've never seen or felt before, we hear Garret talk, most of us cry, we all learn somthing, and then we go to the fire and talk and encourage and worship and pray and cry and hug. i walk back up to the house at 1 in the morning, we've been worshiping for 6 hours. i almost cry in amazment and gratitude.
Sunday, today: i am baptised i leave my sexual immoralities behind me, i leave my cynical hard heart behind me, i die to myself in that water, and lou pulls me up and i look down and can pratically see my self beneath the waves and i say hello to the new me, to the me that is centered in God and will love Him above all others. I sit before my computer now, a Man of Moments of Faith and am glad in it.
God you are so good and i am so not worthy.
Thank you God,
love.
<3

would You give me strength to stand?

I'm not neccessarily ready to stand for God, i feel like i need to know Him better. But i'm willing to. I daily utter a prayer for Him to give me clarity and strength, and that He will let my brokeness show and show me grace when crumpled at the feet of my Father. I'm always working on dying to myself, on putting the desires of my mind aside to let His desires that He lays on my heart be known. He shows me love and mercy in ways i don't deserve and didn't even know existed. I've given so much to Him, but it barely registers anymore. It just makes sense now, i can't even imagine where i would be otherwise, my soul hurts at the thought of it.
I've found a home, a family, a church that i feel safe in. I have friends that are constantly growing in Christ. I ask you all to pray now for my family and my house, we need God.
Thank you.
Praise God.
Compassion.
Love.
<3

would you find me weak if i cried?

It's enirely to late for me to post about New Orleans, and I don't rightly think i could have done that anyways. It was way to complex and way to emotional. i could never convey what i felt and what i discovered about myself there.
I've been up since 9:30 am, it's not 5:30 am, i just got done with my book report and I thank God for it. i'm gonna get less than two hours of sleep. i think my dad just woke up..crap.