why I felt like a burden.

Friday night/saturday morning I got in another wreck. I got t-boned b/c I pulled out infront of a car. It was retarded, my fault, and is going to cost everyone a lot of money. Any one know how many points you get on your licence before it gets taken away?
So, I'm pulling out of the Wired Bean parking lot, I check left right and left again, the light was red. I looked behind me to make sure a friend was going to be following me to IHOP for coffe, he was. I glanced left again(stupid of me, b/c i didn't look well enough) and it was really really foggy, therefore I didn't see that the light had turned green or that there was an SUV going about 45 comeing straight at me. I let off the break and look and saw said SUV heading straight towards me, as in my self, body, not just car. They swerved I slamed on my breaks, and both of our cars slid. mine slid foward, theirs slid into mine. It tore my bumper off, bent my hood and my grill busted my radiator and i couldn't park my car. They got by with much less damage. They also had a baby in the car. It's going to cost me a 250 deductable about 200 dollars in towing, and will make my insurance go over 2400 a year. also another 2 points on my licence. And thats if they don't show up to court. Therefore I feel bad b/c i A: could have been seriously hurt and B: am costing my parents and myself a lot of money. 5 points for me right?
I feel a lot better than i did three days ago, but it's still got me a little down. Just pray that I can deal with this.
I love all of you.

Operating in structions for the Manual You gave us please.

Pursuance:1. The act of pursuing or prosecuting; a following out or after.
Pursue: 4. to proceed in accordance with
wow.
So i need to proceed in accordance with You.
hm...ie. obey. ie. get over myself.
Okay..I can do this....I can do this.....
Can't I? Yes! yes I can, but will I?
well, I've got to decide that for myself don't I?
Take It up daily. Pursue, choose, live, obey. daily.
here we go.

Take it in.

No matter how many people's lives it ruins, it just wont stop will it?
Am I actually damned to having people around me who I have to watch deteriorate due to smoking pot?
I seriously thought it would stop after highschool. I was very wrong. We deserve better than this, they deserve better. If only they could see it....
So take another hit boy,
Take it in, take it in.

It's 2 am and we still have much to discuss

Sitting on the porch, I asked God to guide the conversation. One simple request that I used to utter daily, every I talked with someone. One I haven't asked in months. Hours later, we were both elated and I felt as if I was walking into the front door to my childhood home with a brother in tow. We discussed our hard hearts, we discussed our selfishness, bitterness, our stupidity in wondering where God was and if it was all worth it. Of course, He was with us, and it's worth more than we deserve. I was given discernment and was spoken through, and on the ride home, I rejoiced like I had never experienced. I gave glory to God, yelled screamed and cried my love and thankfulness.
I am home, I am home.
Thank You God, You have brought us home.

tssskt tsssskt tssssskt

What's that I hear, Iron Sharpening Iron? Oh YEAH!
Lord, I cannot, shall not escape you. You have brought me home, and your prodigal son repents.
Love is a word I cannot fathom when it is in reference to You.
Thank You for that God.
Thank You, Thank You
Thank You.
You have brought Your children home.

Proverbs 27:17

I am not sharpening, nor do I feel I am being sharpened. I really hadn't been looking for either up until this moment, but now I realize how dull I've grown. I guess that happens when you beat your head against a wall..which is essentially what i've been doing.
I pray that this break will bring a renewing of sorts, or at the very least a brokenness that leads a desire for God to take control back.
more later....