make me or break me, just don't hold on to me.

So, i'm officially going through a time when i have to choose, what i'm going to focus on. Either this trivial stuff that i stupidly and selfishly think involves me (it doesn't fyi), or i can focus on God, and his plan for me, which does have somthing to do with me. Sounds real easy right..well most of you prob. know that it's not. I've always had a habit of internalizing things, or making other peoples problems, mine. and its not a " i want attention " thing, it's more like a...."i have to help them thing", i feel like i have to help everyone, and i do want to help everyone, but it's so hard for me to go "NO, denton, you need to help your self first, b/c if you dont' know how to fix what you've broken, how can you help them fix what they've broken, or what they've had broken"
So, i guess this is me, hoping that i'll choose to focus on God...this is me typing as i fight myself at this moment, i want to save this person, and yell at this girl, and call this guy stupid, and tell this guy that it's gonna be alright, and yell that this other guy to stay out of her life, and Save this girl (as in christians get Saved), and just meet one girl who would like to date me, and try to make my family's life easier, all at once. But really, i need to just....pray i guess, and Focus on God, and Listen to God. so guys and gals, that's what i'm gonna do.
If you read/understood all or any of this, thank you for caring and mad props to you.
God bless,
Love.
<3

It's nothing to cry about..

b/c we'll see eachother soon,
in the blackest of blues

So, i've decided that i'm not going to be that bored ever again this summer. I'm goingto have stuff to do all the time, b/c it's not right for my little cousin to be bored like that either. And the fact that he will sit for hours and play violent stick games, does not put me at ease.
So, anyways, Me and him are sharing a bed, and he kicked and hit and kneed me alllllll night. I actually got kneed in the ribs by a sleeping ten year old. I think it's like a cudle/comfort thing b/c he get's real close to you in his sleep, but...geeze...i'm gonna look like i get abused.
And everyone who hasn't ment my cousin, don't worry you will, and you'll think he's adorable. hahaha
God bless,
Love.
<3

So, i'm real bored.....

I've been sitting at my house all morning, very very very bored. I feel really bad, b/c my little cousin is here, and he's pretty bored too, but i don't really know what to do, b/c i don't have any gas....so we can't go anywhere, and ther is NOTHING to do at my house..... hm...

before graduation

So, i'm sitting here in my living room before graduation, and i don't really know how to feel. i'm actually kind of blank. about grad anyways, i feel sorry for my younger cousin britt, b/c she has a very nast splinter in her foot, and happy b/c my cousin jordan is going to stay with us for the month of june, and kinda mad b/c my aunt's smoke is blowing on me.

But about graduation, i don't know. i mean i feel scared, but scared that i might cry a lot, not really scared about my life, i guess me having the faith i do, i just know God will carry me through as long as i let Him and have faith in Him.
I feel happy b/c i'm going through this with my friends, the people that have been there for me for the past four years or more. I'm happy that they made it too, and that we're all going places. But besides those two feelings i can't really say anything more. It's weird, i'm normally teaming with emotions, but today, before taking one of the biggest steps i'll ever have to take in this game called life, i feel almost nothing, and nothing related to this actual event.
To all of my friends: Thank You and Good Luck, i know we'll all go So far, and that God will take care of all of us, and that we'll eventually meet up again.

God Bless,

Love.

<3

Family-New computer-Work.

So yesterday was amazing, b/c I got to go to grouchos with some little friends, i say little b/c everyone there was a sophmore. it was last day for lexington and WK so EVERYONE was there and it was packed like a can of little fish. but it was good food and really fun. then we went to the park which was good, i wish i could have stayed for longer but i had to go pick up cass, which was also fun. Just being around him is fun, he's so freaking happy and just really exciting all the time, it's amazing. We went to the wired bean and talked to megan G and talked about how I think people of OTHER ethnicities are better looking than white people. it was cool, then becca hupp came in and that was weird, b/c she was getting trained like i was monday. it seems like it was more than just three days ago......
I GOT MY NEW COMPUTER!!!!!!!!! this is exciting! i have a toshiba who's name is Eve, and she's beautiful!
I have to go to work at 5 today b/c megan always schedules danielle two hours before me....and i'm driving, we car pull for gass purposses..did i spell that last word right..prob. not. but
Family is coming in today! at one, so i should prob. be cleaning more or somthing...not sitting on my computer in my boxers...oh well, i'll get started at 11....
God bless,
Love.
<3

Second day at the Bean

Hahaha, so i wasn't suppose to work until thursday,
buuut Amber Jade called in, so Megan G asked me if I wanted to work. What I heard was "do you want to make four hours of money?" so of course i said "yes." It was fun tho, me and danielle work well together.
I am so very tired tho, and my hands smell like soap, sanitizer, and bleach! wooot! i feel So sexy right now, i mean, you don't even know. And now, i'm watching Maxim's Top 100, so i'ma go!

oh, and i get to see my favorite meagan porter ever tomorrow!

God bless,

Love.

<3

First Day at the Bean

It was....hectic at first.
Megan was having a rough day, and i walk in and behind me, like 5 customers come in. So i get to the register and have to start ringing ppl up. So for about 15 minutes, i'm ringing people up and megan is making drinks. Thats how my day started.
And then Ms. Patty came in...Enough said there.
After that it was good. i got trained on making Hot drinks, Iced drinks, Frios, Smoothies, Bagel sandwitches, and how to re-stock.
It was amazing, all of my shots tonight were hockey pucks...all of them! that's amazing for me..i mean, it's my first day, and they were really good. As an employee of a coffee shop, this makes me feel accomplished, and let's me know that i'm not going to be horrile at this job like i was scared.
So this has been a very good first day. Thank God for my job.
I love the wired bean, and my legs are very tired.
God Bless,
Love,
<3
oh yeah, and I burnt myself, My thumb slipped when i was handdleing a hot pan. but it's fine.

Most emotional day of my life as of yet.

I cried a lot today.
and to all who saw me tonight at the old mill, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to come an emotional wreck, it just happend. and to all of you who kept asking me if i was alright, thank you, and i am. It ment a lot everytime someone asked me.
This time is so emotional for me b/c i was so connected to white knoll highschool, not the spirit of the school, the physical school itself. I have four years of memeories there, and even more so in the orchestra/art room and the theater. Those places have been my home away from home for the past four years, and i'll never get to experience them like i have for the past four years, again.
I'll also not see many ppl on a regular basis and that makes me so sad. i've grown to love and cherish so many people there, and i now realize how close i've allowed myself to get to these people with out knowing it. I've unconsiously let walls down that i didn't even know i had up, and let ppl and memories and places in and now its like i'm getting ripped open and seeing all of this love and emotion for the first time.
I'm not scared to move on, not at all, i just wish that i could honestly say that my relationship with these people won't change. but it will, they'll grow up in to beautiful men and women, and i'll grow and strech and eventually go away to far off places to spread God's love and Word. These are all very good things, but they still impact me emotionally.
Tonight i have: had my last orchestra concert, Cried, done laundry, cried, betrayed God, made up with an old friend who i've missed SO much, listened to one of my most talented friends accompanied with my bestfriend and a good friend on cello and guitar and harmonica and banjo and viola, not in that order really, and lastly made up with God.
This is why i've been an emotional wreck.
I love you all, I'll miss most of you, and Thank you all SO much for being there for me.
God Bless all of you,
Love.
<3

Dear God, You've stolen my heart

"selfishness has been coming up a lot in my readings and my prayer and my discussions, and i think that that is the next beig movement to be made by God. "-Me, in a comment to a friend on her blog.
And as i was writing that, i began to realize how much i should be gaining from this. I don't need to be selfish, i'm not overly selfish as it is, but i'm sure i could be a little more selfless. We all could. If we all gave up a little bit, imagine the great whole that would create to be given to people who need it. Isn't it odd how "Whole" and "Hole" sound the same but are almost opposite words. God does have a sense of humor. That is the thing i'm going to be praying on now, the big thing, Selfless-ness. I'm going to pray for the entire world to become more selfless. This is me asking you to do that also, if we all pray for it, God will answer us in an amazing way. He just wants to know that we have faith in Him to take care of this stuff. That's why we pray, to show him that we have faith that it will be fufilled, if you don't have that faith, why pray. you're just wasting brain power.
So today Megan Graham told me that i was not judgmental, and that that's what she'd remember about me if i dided tomorrow. I don't know how she picked up on that, but it's really one of the things i strive for. I also got told that i'm honest in a world that doesn't support it. and that makes me very happy. Ben and Kathy are the ones that said that, and it makes me glad that they tink of me that way. I means i've been doing somthing right. The reason all of this was said was as a response to a question i posed for the sake of writing a paper for school. The Question: "If I died tomorrow, what is one positive thing that you'd remember about me, one impact that i'd made on you?"
I encorage you to ask this to those who are close, and even not so close, to you. The result could suprise you.
God Bless,
Love.
<3

Ps- I got the JOB!!!!!!! you know, the one at the wired bean.!
woot, go me!

Interveiw Over

It went well I think. No clue if I got the job, but I'll know tomorrow when Megan Graham calls me. She's really funny. There was this time when it sounded like someone was straight up pouring water on the floor above us and she was like, " If I feel that on my head, i'm gonna be SO mad!" it was very fuuny.
Have a lovely day, b/c i have.
God Bless,
Love.
<3

Last Monday

of highschool ever.
This feels amazing, i'm entering my last week of highschool.....
I hope you know what this feels like. I'm finally moving to another chapter in my life. I'm excited, and i hope you are too.
<3

Confirmation

So i confirmed two things tonight, and one is very good, the other was/is pretty latteral.
Tonight could not have been better, i don' think i've ever had such a positive time in my life..like it just hasn't happened like this before. ever.
I even went through this spell where i felt really lonely and then Courtney called me and was like "Where are you?!?" and like, seirously, baring sending the cops to look for me, could not have made me feel more loved. She is my bestfriend and there is a point to us being friends, i've accepted this.
Confetti is an amazing movie, go rent it from BlockBuster andwatch it. ignore the nudist part. hahahaha
God Bless,
Love.
<3

Girl of my dream.

Yeah, i know, this sounds like i'm gonna talk about this girl i'm crushing on big time, but it's not. I just thought it'd be a good title.
So I'm listening to austin crane and he's amazing. He has the coolest voice/songs/music. He's one of the top 10 local musicians in South Carolina. Tonight as been amazing and i think i found a church to go to. i'm real excited about that, and i might even play violin for their praise band if they will have me, and I'll prob. start going to there small group on Thursdays at the wired bean. This might have been the fellowship that God has been yelling at me about......i sure hope so.
I will forever remember the bridge by the wired bean, even when i'm 40, i'll tell my kids and then my grandkids after that about it. It's one of the most amazing and beautiful places i've ever been. I had no idea that a place like lexington, and really the dirty Old Mill, could hold a place like this for me and my friends. for the past three years it's been influential. hm... Austin Crane and the Banshees....i like it. aaahhh i love this song..don't know what it's called but it's what he's playing right now.
And this is where i leave you all.
God bless,
Love.
<3

Saddest thing ever.

Partial birth abortions should have never been allowed. They're the most horrible thing in the world, and if it wasn't illegal now, i would bomb the house of every person who had ever taken part in one.
I was determined that I would remain opinionless about abortions, but now, after seeing pictures of partial birth and regular abortions (i refuse to say "normal" abortions), i have decided that I do not agree with them. I mean, I would never tell someone they were going to hell for having one, but i would deff. advise them strongly against it. I would pray for them, but I wouldn't ever look down on them for having one, it is there choice, and I under stand that.

Okay, enough of that.

Today has been really strange, I failed my bug project, but then Coach Gordon aka Gordo, let me make up like 4 assignments, and now I have a 73 in there, and it will prob. go up to a 75 tomorrow. This is amazing, I owe that woman my entire future.

I sincerly hope God blesses you all.

Love.

<3

Remember when it rained?

So i'll know in about 12 days if i have a job or not. I hope I do, but I REFUSE to expect one. B/c if megan graham hires other ppl, then they deserve the job more than I do. She knows what she's doing.
But a lot of me hope that Hayley's right and i'll get it.
I'm going to go shopping on sat. for my mom, no clue what she wants..i'll have to ask my dad...(like he'll actually know, i normally have to tell him)
Mom and Dad are going to go to darlington on sat, they won't get back till like 3 in the AM on Sunday! woot.

I want to kiss someone in the rain...a lot. Like you have no idea. I love the rain, i mean,...i seriously adore rain and storms make me smile a lot. So kissing in the rain would be like the best experience in my life.

Wash away the thoughts inside

That keep my mind away from you.

No more love and no more pride

And thoughts are all I have to do

We should all ask this of God.

Love,

<3

I wish I could see the stars too

I counted and i have like..12 streetlights around my house, so I could prob. actually count the amount of stars I can see. It sucks. I wish I lived on the lake.
Today me and hayley and grayson were in his room and he was playing a bunch of his songs and it was real fun and made me think of when me and michael would be in his room and he would play his guitar for hours, and I mean HOURS, i would always like, drift off and then drift back to reality when he played something high or asked me a question and i'd mumble somthing about it sounding really good. I miss that. He's prob. the coolest guy i know and will always be my brother from my other mother, (when you say that in your head, say it REAL black okay?)
Shopping with Gayson is an experience, i can tell you that,.....whew...he's stubborn. i mean, kid just needs to paint on jeans, he'd be way happier. But we did find him some cool shirts, Hayley and I that is. and they weren't to "sleevie"...his word not ours.

So who wants to go watch Spider man and get some Olive Garden, i'll protect you and act all secret service-like. it'd be fun. =)

as far as you know, i'd be better off alone,
but i don't believe it, no i don't believe it.

Here's to the night's we felt alive!

Holy Cow in a basket, tonight was PEEERRRRFECT!
God new i'd had a hard day and gave me tonight. I just had soo much fun, haley and I talked alot, and me and matt and rachel and meagan did too. i'm gonna miss those kids sooooooooo much.
The music was to DIIIIE for, and I got to hang out with Mel Washington, who is Real big, Real black and Real cool.
I also had Green Tea with Peach, you should try it, it's amazing!!
Denna, Brother and Sister, and Mike are alll the coolest indie kids ever.
i have mike's CD!!!
woot.
love,
<3

Work or no work, that is the question.

So hot topic of the day: Is denton going to work at the WiredBean?
well, i called meagan g today and i think it helped, she said that she's call me if somthing came up, and i went there today and helped out a lot, i even got tips, wooo. i told aj that she didn't have to give me tips, but she did, and i'm happy about that. I can now sorta do register and make a sandwich, i can close in all ways, minus register. And i took out a butt load of boxes and i got food orders from the Crab Shack.
It was all real fun. and Meagan G saw all of it, so maybe that helped?

I'm going to miss Erin Ellis a lot, and i hope she knows that, but i will deff. go down with courtney sometime and visit her. It was way cool to hang out with grayson yesterday.

and things are just going right. It's amazing. I think that when you honestly smile, even if it's for no reason, that God makes you happy, like He just goes, " oh yeah, they're smiling, I'm gonna make them happy inside and let them know i'm noticing" Seriously, I'm pretty sure that happened to me today.

So my mom has told me more than once that Speaking in Tongues is fake but yesterday i came home from the bean and she was talking about ghosts...like...she actually belived in them......WHAT?????

I love my whole life.

Thank you God.

Jesus Died for you, and if that's not enough, i will too

Sorry Grayson for misquoting you.
Well, I'm at the wired bean, and i feel like i should come here more often.
I've been talking a lot about doing missions as a career, and I've been planing on getting a sociology degree for it, b/c that would help, and even more so with an emphasis in religion. but now i'm wondering if i should do that or go get a missions degree, i realize that the obvious choice is a mission's degree, but I don't really know if that's for me. I'm not big on bible colleges and i really do want a sociology degree....so i'm really confused. I guess I'm just gonna pray about all this, and i'd really appreciate some prayer from all you readers....do i have readers?
So....yeah..i really want to work here at the bean, and i think I'd be really good at this job,...and if i wasn't, i would quit....like if i just sucked at this job, i would quit in a heartbeat.
Well, farewell, and everyone should be sad that Erin Ellis is leaving Columbia.