I feel so lonely right now. I've been sleeping in a room with 13 or so other people for a week and my room at home seems so empty. I'm not getting leon to check his sugar, i'm not swimming with new and old friends, yelling at my guys to be quiet and go to bed, or any of the things i've done for the past five nights.
God, I pray, I beg you, take this loneliness from me. Fill me with joy. Forgive me for my wrongs, and please Lord, send me Love and Peace and Rest. Give me peace that my guys are alright, that they are safe and in Your hands. Thank You for all of it. Amen.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Camp Edisto '09
This has once again been one of the best weeks of my life, and will be the best week of 2009 for me.
There are 7 guys who I owe a great deal to. They along with others from camp and returned my to a place where I feel secure in my relationship with God and I feel Honored and Blessed for it. They taught me more about being a Man of God in a week than I taught myself in this last year. I gained strength and courage from God through these boys. John John, Leon, Adam, Justin, Josh, Jake, and Devon, I will pray for you as long as God sees fit to keep you on my heart and mind. I thank each and every one of these guys, for they have led me home.
I am going to Call Dutch Fork Christian Church this weekend or this next week and talk to them about helping out with their youth. Please Pray me about this, organized churches scare me.
There are 7 guys who I owe a great deal to. They along with others from camp and returned my to a place where I feel secure in my relationship with God and I feel Honored and Blessed for it. They taught me more about being a Man of God in a week than I taught myself in this last year. I gained strength and courage from God through these boys. John John, Leon, Adam, Justin, Josh, Jake, and Devon, I will pray for you as long as God sees fit to keep you on my heart and mind. I thank each and every one of these guys, for they have led me home.
I am going to Call Dutch Fork Christian Church this weekend or this next week and talk to them about helping out with their youth. Please Pray me about this, organized churches scare me.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Fight for your (eternal) life.
First off, I want to say thank you to all those who've been praying for me, it has helped without a doubt. This past week got progressively easier every day and it was all thanks to God and you guys for asking on behalf of me. So once again, Thank You, and please continue the prayers.
Also, let me know if there is anyways to repay you in like, any way I can pray for you.
I've been feeling lately that I want to fight. It's been in my bones, its made me moody and snappy. And there are some fights that are going to happen soon because they need to, not because I want them too. But I realized tonight after Shack (which was amazing), on the drive home, that I've been wanting to fight so much because I've stopped fighting. I have stopped fighting for myself, my life, my relationship with God. I basically was confronted by a force I was too lazy to contest and let it all slip through my fingers. I remembered tonight that we are in a constant fight for our lives, we're fighting the world, flesh, sinful nature, for ourselves. It's constantly invading our territory and when we stop fighting, we gain a massive desire to do so. Especially as men, we're made for fighting, genetically and spiritually, we are suppose to be fighters, we are suppose to be fighting.
I've let my borders slip, I've let my defenses down, taken off the armor, and lain down with my throat exposed. Ready to give up and die. This was, of course, a process, gradual. It started a little bit at a time and eventually I ended up mad at myself and depressed due to my lack of control and strength. My weakness stronger than myself.
This is time for it to stop. This is the time that I need to choose who I'm going to be and what path I'm going to take, it's all gone on far to long, and I've let myself be used too much and for too long. I'm losing who I am. And I am more ME when I am His.
So, if you would, help me fight.
Also, let me know if there is anyways to repay you in like, any way I can pray for you.
I've been feeling lately that I want to fight. It's been in my bones, its made me moody and snappy. And there are some fights that are going to happen soon because they need to, not because I want them too. But I realized tonight after Shack (which was amazing), on the drive home, that I've been wanting to fight so much because I've stopped fighting. I have stopped fighting for myself, my life, my relationship with God. I basically was confronted by a force I was too lazy to contest and let it all slip through my fingers. I remembered tonight that we are in a constant fight for our lives, we're fighting the world, flesh, sinful nature, for ourselves. It's constantly invading our territory and when we stop fighting, we gain a massive desire to do so. Especially as men, we're made for fighting, genetically and spiritually, we are suppose to be fighters, we are suppose to be fighting.
I've let my borders slip, I've let my defenses down, taken off the armor, and lain down with my throat exposed. Ready to give up and die. This was, of course, a process, gradual. It started a little bit at a time and eventually I ended up mad at myself and depressed due to my lack of control and strength. My weakness stronger than myself.
This is time for it to stop. This is the time that I need to choose who I'm going to be and what path I'm going to take, it's all gone on far to long, and I've let myself be used too much and for too long. I'm losing who I am. And I am more ME when I am His.
So, if you would, help me fight.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Hardest job I've ever worked
I just got home from work. It's 1:27, i got off roughly around 1.....
Day shift hasn't done even half of their duties all week, and night shift has had to pick up the slack, at the expence of our time. And Marina only had one fuctional leg today due to her surgery, and theresa decided that she only needed to schedule Marina and me to work....so closing took three freaking hours, mainly because we had 3 pans or more of meat to role that day shift didn't do, and we've been really really busy at night this week, tonight we had steady customers from 5 to 9..... I've never actually had this bad of a time closing before, the past two days has sucked.
I love this job, and the people I work with, they are all amazing and lovely, but this is getting to be a lot more than I may be able to handle. So those of you who are reading this, please please please pray for us all at Which Wich, and pray that I will have the strength to stick it out, and that Theresa (my manager) will have her heart softened by God, and that she wont judge our closing too harshly. Please Please pray.
Day shift hasn't done even half of their duties all week, and night shift has had to pick up the slack, at the expence of our time. And Marina only had one fuctional leg today due to her surgery, and theresa decided that she only needed to schedule Marina and me to work....so closing took three freaking hours, mainly because we had 3 pans or more of meat to role that day shift didn't do, and we've been really really busy at night this week, tonight we had steady customers from 5 to 9..... I've never actually had this bad of a time closing before, the past two days has sucked.
I love this job, and the people I work with, they are all amazing and lovely, but this is getting to be a lot more than I may be able to handle. So those of you who are reading this, please please please pray for us all at Which Wich, and pray that I will have the strength to stick it out, and that Theresa (my manager) will have her heart softened by God, and that she wont judge our closing too harshly. Please Please pray.
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