123realifeomgz

monday: Realizations about a friendship of mine, contact made with Daybreak CPC, Council Meeting, Guys Group (hour and a half on 2 verses and prayer).
tuesday: Wake up 5:30 AM, Great day at work, Meet my new bff justin white, Maybe he'll come to Shack, Go home, Go to Cola, Meet with Daybreak Ladies and Becky, House church (freaking amazing, i missed it sooo much.
Wednesday: wake up, not so good day at work, go home, chill, paint room (looks amazing cant wait for it)
Thursday: wake up after 5 hours of non-rest, Great day at work, see best friend, go home, see other bestfriend, go to lunch-she gets her hair cut, come home sleep, shower, present time.
It's been a hell of a week, but i've felt so good and accomplished. I like my life right now, i'm stressed to my limits, but i know i'll get through.

I have a lot to pray about, pray with me?
Shack-Direction leadership sponser
Wired Bean-that i can wake up and take pride in my job and have a good work ethic
Friends-The Devil and The Lion guys and getting there lives in order, Friends relationships/hearts/walks with God, Missing my friends that have moved away.
Me-Stress, Constitution, Focus, Becomeing a Man of God.
Thanks.

Late nights, tattoos, and good rides.

My bestfriend and I both aproach our religion in different ways, and i didn't really get that until tonight. I guess I just kind of assumed that since we are so close and so much alike and we came into our faith majorly together, that we'd woship and believe the same way. But we don't. And it's really not that important for us too, she believes and worships the same God as me, but she just doesn't do those things the same way as i do, and i can deffinitely accept that. I guess i'm more "spiritual" by that i mean more charismatic than her, not that i'm very charismatic at all, haha. And she's a good bit more literal than i am about my faith, and it's good, b/c she tends to grasp concepts of theology a lot faster and completely than i do. it's a good balance. I love her and all that she is and i'm so glad that i have her and her ways to balance mine out.
Also! God loves republicans. And by that i mean He loves republican senetors and corporate CEOs and jerk-wad cops in Lexington County as much as He loves prostitutes and the homeless and drug addicts and homosexuals. What i really mean by this is, that today i figured out that I should love these people as much as the other. And should be trying just as hard to reach out and help them and rescue them, with an honest smile on my face and joy in my heart.
In one day i realized two faults in my Faith and plan to fix both of them. I Serve a loving and time efficient God.

Are you still considered a slave if you volenteer for it?

A lot has happened this past weekend.
My brother offically doesn't live in my house, or this state anymore. He lives in savannah with his wife and their cat, Doc, and their really great appartment. I'm sad that i'm basically only gonna see him once a month for a while, but i mean, i guess that's what growing up is like. I'm more worried about my mom and how she's gonna deal with it. I think she'll pull through fine, but there are bound to be some hard spots.
And then Shack last night...SO amazing. Laura did an amazing job on worship and i'm excited to see her grow and progress in her role as Worship Leader at the Shack. I love my church, so much, and i love all of the people in it. They're astounding and the reason i get throught my life. I've grown there so much and i'm still growing. I get what i need from that church like i never have before.
I was really inspired by what was taught on last night, and i really do intend to help more in my community. It's kind of my job now. I have faith that God will guide me and help me with this too. I'm excited, are you?

fall is being ushered in

Autumn comes in the form of the first night where it is below 70 degrees when i'm driving home from work.
It made me smile. I feel like i should have been more gracious of the sumer, i should have praised God for it, but i was never in the mood? it was just hot and i was usually bothered about somthing. But now fall brings with it a great year.
I decided tonight to stop being bitter about this summer not being like last summer. I was blessed to have last summer and i was blessed this summer, just in different ways.
I got real upset tonight, and but then hayley and I took a second, and we realized that we'd had a really good night and just started enjoying each other's company. She once again was there when i needed her. She's never really failed me with that. It's gonna be hard with her leaving, but we'll be fine, we have phones and such. I'll still be able to call when i need a level head.
I'm letting the past be just that, and looking toward a great year ahead of me, and just enjoying my present. So, speaking of that, i'm gonna go on her dock and smoke with her.
God, thank you. for her, for this, for summer, for fall.

And here we go again.

I had another dream involving boys.
I was at a camp, and I met two guys...TWO of them,...really? blew one off, and chased after the other one, we got to know eachother, i ended up helping him through somthing, and in my dream i thought he was solidly in to guys, then i find out that he's just starting to figure this stuff out...
Did you know God could kick you in the face in your dreams...b/c He can and He did. I felt like crap, i could have been a testimony to this guy, i could have helped him, explained to him what this was,.....and i screwed that up.
I wont, i can't do this in real life. If this scene ever pops up in real life, i hope, i pray that i'll never be so selfish. I hate that i have these dreams, it's really not fair. But maybe one day they'll stop? or at the very least i'll have the will power during the day to keep me safe at night?

But i can't live in the future, i can't wait for that life to start. I have to make it start, i have to live now, and make it the best now i can. Because Now is going to determine my future.

Living is the hard part.

I feel like if i was character in Blue Like Jazz, i would be Andrew the protester. I'm not nearly as rediculous as him, but i have said many of the things that he says in that book...on my own. the one i agree most with is that dying for God is easy. Of course i'd die for God, getting shot because i believe in Him or refuse to not worship Him would not be the hardest part. Absolutely no offence to those who have died for God, i respect those people greatly, b/c that kind of faith is somthing to be respected. But for me personally, It's LIVING for God that is causing me problems, and is hard and is not as easy to follow through on. When you're 15 and wear some stupid t-shirt that claims that you would die for God because He died for you, that's practically non-commital. I mean, how many chances in your life are you really gonna have to decide if you're going to die for Him. I feel like this sounds harsher than i mean it to,....i simply mean to say that i am not called to die for Him, but to Live and Love for Him, and that's HARD, and i need help with it. I need accountability and guidance and a mentor and a firm churchfamily/supportgroup/suckychristiansanonymousgroup. and i have the last one, it's called the Shack....you should check it out.

Blue Like Jazz

So, i've been reading blue like jazz here and there and never really more than two days in a row and really only at work, so last night i went to the wired bean while i wasn't working and read and really comprehended what Donald Miller was saying. Oouch. It left me wanting to Love God and to accept His Love and Grace and to be Obedient, and to really commit my life to Him, and i realized after that, that i thought i'd already done all those things. And i've Loved God for a while, but letting Him love ME was a different story. It's always been hard for me to let people Love me, because honestly it didn't happen to me outside of my own immediate family until i was about 13. I didn't really get freinds until then, i didn't want them, i didn't want anything to do with anyone really. So letting God love me is not an easy thing for me to do, but i'm working on it, i'm allowing Him to have Grace with me and Forgive me, while asking Him to help me do the same to myself.
Having the desire to commit my life to God did not neccessarily mean i did......Ps, that's like getting married and after four or five years you've realized that you had the intentions of being commited, but didn't ever really....... So i'm changing that too. If i'm going to serve my church and my community and my family and my work place, i need to be commited to and in love with God. that is, if i want to do it correctly and from all the right places..which i do.
Also, i need to look more into/pay attention to social justice, or lack there of in our world. I haven't decided if this is just because my church/some of my bestfriends are quite concerned with it, or if it's just somthing i feel the need to do. But either way, i feel that it's important to me to know at least a little bit of what's going on in the world outside of Columbia.
i feel like bubbles of my myself are rising to the surface.....like eventually i'll actually be me, the me that has a heart lined up with God's.

SHAAAAACK

Shack council meeting was last night. amazing. I'm really excited about this year, and what's gonna be done with The Shack. I pray that we do get a good bit of new comers, i'm also a little nervous about having these responsibilities, but i'm also glad to have time. i'm glad to be really serving the Shack. We also need a freshmen housechurch and i really really really want that to be started up, b/c Rio helped me in an amazing amout of ways last year.
We'll see.
This is going to be a good year.
Funny that this "year" is starting in the fall, haha school really screws your schedule up.

I'm dealing with some pride, but in small personal ways, and it's kind of leading into judgment issues which i really don't want to have. So i just need some help with that.
I'm doing better in gerneral though. i'm glad to have a schedule to my life again. It gets frustrating, but it helps me be productive and i'm bad at making one myself.