Yay college.

So, i'm sitting in my class, my computer technologies class....i have internet. It's real boring. "Data-Raw and un-organized numbers and facts. Lets talk about data, what is data? Where have you encountered data today?" hahaha....shoot me.
nah, it's not that bad. My prof is real fun, crazy old lady who likes computers.
She's discussing false things about computers...like myths? haha it's really interesting.
MTC finacial aid is stupid. i mean the department, or the people in the department of financial aid.
I'm REAL bored, but my life is doing really well. Me and God are real good! Me and my friends are real good. Life is real good....even my bad gramar is real good.
Looove!

And swelling up inside of us, there's this pride in us, this arrogance,

And our only line of defense is the sense that
Im not as half as bad as this friend of mine so I must be fine
We mean well don't we
Yet I've never seen good intentions set a man free

This break has, on the surface, in the normal, the flesh been amazing. The best i've ever had. seriously, i've seen a lot of good things happen.
But as far as my walk with the One whom i love with all of my heart. Substandard is and over statment. I have suffered, i decided that it would be more fun to walk my walk, not His. I was wrong. I mean, yes it was a lot of fun, i enjoyed it, but i also didn't ever go to sleep before 3 in the morning or later because i was afraid to talk to God b/c i knew He'd want to discuss things. Well, i thought He would anyways. I was wrong. I fixed things, righted my world again, gave in to my hearts True Desire. and He's being patient, He's waiting until I talk to Him.
Love. When will i truly understand that word. I've been trying to for a little over 5 months now, it's still escaping me. I'll find out one my facet of that word, and be so excited about it, that i'll forget another. It is a word that holds so much, will i ever truly understand it? B/c God says that to know Him, you have to know love. So if they are synonymous (sp?) than i can't understand love in its entirety.
Anyways, I'm speaking to God again, and listening, this is good. And yesterday was the best day of my life because of this......i rejoice because my sin does not eat me alive anymore, for i have a Saviour who i appreciate more because of my failures.
And if you're ever having a rough day, read Laurasis's blog

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

so, i just told my mom that i failed music apprieciation.
via email.
I realized that that makes me a coward, but i've been trying to tell my parents for WEEKS. and i just couldn't.
So...
i'll have more on this later?...

I heard about your message

And
How it reeked of indifference.

So a list, a list of people that i'm close to and what a bond with them over.

Girl-Sushi, our disagreement on music(depressing indie shit), our life mistakes, and SEXISTENTIAL CRISIES! hahahahaha

Girl-Buffy, Bloc party, facebook pokes, head scratching, our rediculous circle of friends and their craziness. (where we use to be the voices of reason)

Boy-our views on homosexuality, cloves, long but good talks that are few and far between,...and highfives.

Boy- tree houses? your crazy mother, our struggles with God, girly music.

Girl-our non judging eachother and constatnly trying to keep eachother on the right track. and your hair.

Girl-your hilarious neurosis, how i really do understand you almost all the time and vice versa, even if we pretend we don't. driving and dancing (is that illegal?) dancing like whores in general.

Girl- the fact that we will be friends forever, even though our differneces are growing in number, we still know eachother like the back of hour freaking hands. Our rediculous choices in dates, and that i'm finally friends with one of them, which is good b/c he's stuck around the longest. Cats, Hitler cats, and our horrible middleschool years.

I love all of these people. I thank God for them regularly.

I never made a scene,
I didn't have to, I didn't have to

We don't even make a sound,

but oh they'll feel us hit the ground.

So New Years was fun, it was amazing. It was the best one i've ever had. Ever. I think my circle of friends mended a lot of scars we had. This last semester was rough on all of us, but we made it through, we endured, and now we're here.
I have the best parents ever, they're amazing and gracious and so sweet. I've seen a very different side of them in the past four months too, but it's been amazing. It's been a good side.
Thank you for being my bestfriend and enduring me, i know i can be difficult. I love you so much and thank you for bringing your boyfriend into my life also, he gives me hope.
Thank you for letting my bestfriend bring you in to this crazy circle of insanity that we call our friends. Thank you for being patient with us.
So, we're bestfriends. we'll talk..eventually. We're okay, i love you, call me anytime.
This is going to be a good year.

Heavens on it's Toes
And i'm on my knees.

Love is patient

Christmas has moved me again and again this year. Singing carols has brought me to tears several times this month and all day i've felt like crying out of pure joy. I think of the presents i got some of my friends, the ones i'm making, and i tear up. I cry a lot for a person, a whole lot for a guy, but today has been insane. I just keep tearing up and am filled with love and joy for my family, friends, and my Lord. He has been so gracious to me and the ones who loved me.
Love, love love love LOVE LOOOOOVE. It's around me soo much! I feel like my house, world, church, and just LIFE is filled with it! I feel it from God so much. I don't know why it's like this. But i'm completely okay with feeling like this. It's amazing.
I don't know how to explain this. I feel so joyous and happy and loving and 1 Corinthians 13 has been sprinting around my head all day. Every spare moment i've just sat, A little voice (God?) has been like "Love is Patient, Love is Kind...." I don't know why, but it's been crazy. If anyone can explain this to me, that'd be awesome. Not that i'm complaining.
So just remember, Love IS patient and Kind and holds NO grudges.
Merry Christmas, and all that that implies.

Does mama have to do everything around here?-Tina Fey

So i realized somthing today.
Punishment is not justice. Punishment is glorified revenge, the punisher is a legalized vigilanty. Forgivness is justice, to forgive is to be just. I often tell my mom (and by tell i mean argue with) that if i get murdered i don't want her to press for death charges. I don't agree with capital punishment. Is it odd that i would ask my mother to forgive my murderer? That i would ask all of the people who love me to? If something like that happens to me, i want the people in my life to forgive them, to realize that true justice will ONLY come when that person sees our Lord. No matter if they spend months, years in prison. Or even if they die, it will not bring any one "closure" and will not be justice, it will be revenge, and anyone who knows me knows that that's not what i would want. I don't know why i am thinking about this today but i am.
So, i'm going to go through my mind, and the people i believe need to be punished, i'm going to try my hardest to forgivle. It's going to take a while and it will be trying and hard, but it'll happen.
So go, go out in to your world, your life, and fogive. I'll be praying for you!