Blue Like Jazz

So, i've been reading blue like jazz here and there and never really more than two days in a row and really only at work, so last night i went to the wired bean while i wasn't working and read and really comprehended what Donald Miller was saying. Oouch. It left me wanting to Love God and to accept His Love and Grace and to be Obedient, and to really commit my life to Him, and i realized after that, that i thought i'd already done all those things. And i've Loved God for a while, but letting Him love ME was a different story. It's always been hard for me to let people Love me, because honestly it didn't happen to me outside of my own immediate family until i was about 13. I didn't really get freinds until then, i didn't want them, i didn't want anything to do with anyone really. So letting God love me is not an easy thing for me to do, but i'm working on it, i'm allowing Him to have Grace with me and Forgive me, while asking Him to help me do the same to myself.
Having the desire to commit my life to God did not neccessarily mean i did......Ps, that's like getting married and after four or five years you've realized that you had the intentions of being commited, but didn't ever really....... So i'm changing that too. If i'm going to serve my church and my community and my family and my work place, i need to be commited to and in love with God. that is, if i want to do it correctly and from all the right places..which i do.
Also, i need to look more into/pay attention to social justice, or lack there of in our world. I haven't decided if this is just because my church/some of my bestfriends are quite concerned with it, or if it's just somthing i feel the need to do. But either way, i feel that it's important to me to know at least a little bit of what's going on in the world outside of Columbia.
i feel like bubbles of my myself are rising to the surface.....like eventually i'll actually be me, the me that has a heart lined up with God's.