I could run away

and You'd never leave
You'll always be
Right by my side
Right by my side
Right by my side

I've been running, in the figurative sense. Running away from responsibility, from commitments, from God. I've wanted intimacy that i could physically feel. I wanted to be close to someone, to hear someone tell me how wonderful i was and that i satisfied them. I didn't want to have to say it back. I didn't want someone to be close to, i wanted someone to be close to me. Why? I don't know. In trying to control my Pride and tendency to judge people i lost track of my selfishness. It got pretty bad, and i started feeling horrible about it because i had people telling me what a great job i was doing at Shack and that I've grown so much. And I have, I know I have and I can tell, but it doesn't change the fact that I felt like crap upon hearing these things because I knew where I was in my heart and walk with God, which was running for the fastest physical comfort...fortunately I have a Gracious God who is slow to anger and so so so good to me. Unfortunately however, I didn't want that. I never found that comfort, so I kept running...No I didn't completely run off the path, I didn't even run back down to where I came from..I basically just ran in place. Did I completely screw up? No, did i try my hardest too? Yes.
I realized all of this last night around...say...4 in the morning. And I'm sorry...who am I apologizing to? No idea, I guess you if I've been anything less than the face of Christ to you. To God also..but Him and I have talked that out already.
This is where I'm at, this is why I've been so silent on here, and now I move on. And pick up Blue Like Jazz again.

Everything I've ever wanted,
I have found in You.

You are the Light of the World.