my friends,

I am at an edge.
The edge of somthing deep and unknown. I can feel the power down below, like heat rising from a furnace, warm and gentle on my face. Welcoming, beckoning. But I know that jumping will break me. I don't mean, the fall, I mean the jump. The act of throwing my self from the stability under me, the superficial steadiness of control, into the willing arms of You will break me body and soul. And even though I know that I will be put back together as a better man than I am now by Your able hands, I'm terrified. Dependence is not somthing I'm good at. Because I like to draw my validation from lesser things than You and Your love. You're asking me to jump, but not willing to push me. You want me to project myself off of my false sense of security, for my own will to take my heels off the ground, and into.......You.
Will You hold my hand? Will You lead them? Will I? Can I?
You want me to know that I'm good enough. That I'm worth what You want, what You have to give me. How can I believe that? What makes me an heir? What made You love me?