First off, I want to say thank you to all those who've been praying for me, it has helped without a doubt. This past week got progressively easier every day and it was all thanks to God and you guys for asking on behalf of me. So once again, Thank You, and please continue the prayers.
Also, let me know if there is anyways to repay you in like, any way I can pray for you.
I've been feeling lately that I want to fight. It's been in my bones, its made me moody and snappy. And there are some fights that are going to happen soon because they need to, not because I want them too. But I realized tonight after Shack (which was amazing), on the drive home, that I've been wanting to fight so much because I've stopped fighting. I have stopped fighting for myself, my life, my relationship with God. I basically was confronted by a force I was too lazy to contest and let it all slip through my fingers. I remembered tonight that we are in a constant fight for our lives, we're fighting the world, flesh, sinful nature, for ourselves. It's constantly invading our territory and when we stop fighting, we gain a massive desire to do so. Especially as men, we're made for fighting, genetically and spiritually, we are suppose to be fighters, we are suppose to be fighting.
I've let my borders slip, I've let my defenses down, taken off the armor, and lain down with my throat exposed. Ready to give up and die. This was, of course, a process, gradual. It started a little bit at a time and eventually I ended up mad at myself and depressed due to my lack of control and strength. My weakness stronger than myself.
This is time for it to stop. This is the time that I need to choose who I'm going to be and what path I'm going to take, it's all gone on far to long, and I've let myself be used too much and for too long. I'm losing who I am. And I am more ME when I am His.
So, if you would, help me fight.
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