so.

So, i should have listened.
i should have listened to God and to my Bestfriend.
I didn't wanna do this, i didn't want for this to happen, but something like it would have happened eventually, b/c i just couldn't...not as much.
Why can't i want a serious relationship, how can't i be ready? why couldn't i like her as much as she liked me?
This was stuipd and unnecessary, and if it is how i feel, so it isn't petty, it still feels like i behaved like someone much younger than i'd like to appear to be.
How could i ask the questions and not listen to the answer, want guidance and then refuse it b/c it wasn't what i wanted.
I wanted this, i really really wanted this, there is no reason for me not to. There's also no reason for me to not be ready for it, b/c i wanted it that much. but i'm not, and there are parts of my life i can't neglect b/c of somthing i want.
I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.