Appropro, status quo, who knows?

So, my inappropriateness suprises me sometimes. Like, three or four times this year already i've done wildly inappropriate things. It stems from when i was more or less "out" at highschool and people expected me to be wild and say whatever came to mind, and it was the easiest way to take potentially negative attention and turn it into humor. I figured that if i just upped the shock value around me, then people would pay less attention to the fact that a non-heterosexual was saying it. and it worked, i got to hide behind being inappropriate and lacking manners and saying whatever crazy, wild and potentially hurtful thing that came in to my mind. It was also really freeing, to not care what others thought or to not have to worry about offending anyone b/c as far as you knew, your lifestyle offended them much more. And as i've always chose less than popular (socially acceptable) lifestyles, it's always been a defence thing. b/c when you get to a point, people wont confront you b/c they are afraid of what you're going to say, and how loud you're going to say it. And it's still really freeing, but it's momentary, because i always get called back down to earth and back to Christ and i end up feeling like the ass i've made of myself. We all have bits of our past selves we're trying to put away, to burn out, to excape, this is mine. I've always rebeled against some status quo or another, claiming to be a non-conformist, but i was just conforming to the less acceptable ideals.
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Just so you know, i realized all of this as i was writing it...why do i have a habit of comeing to the realizations at my place of work?
So, i appoligize to anyone that i may have offended recently due to some inappropriate comment or another, i'm trying to get better.
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Lord, please, help me guard my words, and let them be ones that lift you up and enhance your Kingdom, not my own.