Every time i'm on my knees, waiting for Your strength..

I will find You there.

It's taken me a while to get to this post because i'm not sure if i can get through it. That being said, i have no clue why this is so hard for me, but it is.

So Easter was amazing. I've never actually felt Easter like i did this year. Joey's lesson was absolutely amazing. I cried. He referenced Pop Culture, b/c it helps him relate to people. We took communion. I realized who i would be without God.
That is why i cried. Joey asked us, to just close our eyes, and think, imagine, what it would be like if God didn't exist. If God never effected our lives, Jesus was never born, and never died for us, if the covenant was never made. I actually did this, usually i dont because of my imaginatioin, it gets a hold of me sometimes. I felt like a hole had been carved in to me. actually, into my heart. For about a second, i felt completely empty. Devoid. like i was about to colapse because i was not being sustained by the only thing that can. God. He asked us to envision who we would be in this Godless World. That is really what made me cry.
All i saw was flesh. Skin. Nakedness, sex, lust, heat, and an utter lack of love. It was made very plain to me what i would be if God had never interveened (i can't spell) in my life. 9-10 i would be a prostitute. I know this sounds over dramatic, but it's not. Sex for Money. I would like to think/say/write i haven't thought about it...but i would be lying. i don't know if others have thought about it like i have. and by that, i mean, consider it. If someone came up to me, asked me for sex, saying they would give me 500 dollars.........could i turn it down? Being educated, and knowing the lifestyle, and where that road leads. Now, the answer is YES. two years ago....i don't really want to know my answer. If not a prostitute, than just and overly sexual, sexually immoral person. Which is no better nor worse than the first.
These are my struggles, and this is what God has saved me from. THIS, is why i have given up my struggles to Him, and why I decided to kill a part of my earthly self for Him. and this is why i will never, ever, regret it.